Elis and John Present the Holy Vible: The Book The Bible Could Have Been by Elis James and John Robins

Sugar my haloumi.

Dear Johnny J, fy nghariad Elis, and Prod D,

Short-time listener, first time reviewer - I am a late arrival to your oeuvre (first ‘ticked’ episode on Spotify looks to be #276 – King Vinegar, Precinct Penchants and the Magic of Chiles, June 2023) having never listened to commercial digital indie radio on purpose to my knowledge, so can’t claim to be a zero-oner, and don’t have a social media presence so have had no exposure to the PCD community through whichever Meta app they currently communicate. My car is an old-ish one, bought in 2014 with cash insufficient to add a digital radio to the bog-standard package so I had to use my Ipod when driving for musical entertainment; but when my MacBook was finally defeated by an OS update and my Ipod Classic became an expensive paperweight, my fall-back was good old fashioned AM/FM radio on which, serendipitously, I discovered the now defunct Radio 5 Live Elis James and John Robins show, following on as it did from National Institution and Sunday Brunch Legend Adrian Chiles, whose soothing Midlands accent made long tedious journeys that little bit more relaxing between stops along the M4. Of course I immediately downloaded a whole bunch of episodes onto the new (and first ever) smartphone I was then forced to purchase in order to listen to them on my school-run slash commute, from Bridgend (Pen-y-bont ar Ogwyr) through RCT (Rhondda Cynon Taf) and Cardiff (Caerdydd) to the Vale of Glamorgan (Bro Morgannwwg) and back to Cardiff (ibid) three times a week. A disclaimer here; with apologies, I won’t be attempting comprehensive back-catalogue completism because of the frankly dizzying output, new to me in the age of my smartphone renaissance, of digital media available on streaming services to which I have found myself listening avidly, including but not limited to the marvellously luke-warm Three Bean Salad.

A digital decade, whilst an outstanding achievement in this age of clickbait attention spans, is like a sandwich too full to even get your mouth around.

I felt moved by your departure from live radio to a new linear slash circular digital podcast-first format output to attempt a personal departure of sorts and a foray into a medium onto which I have poured scorn in recent times (with a notable exception) because of my erstwhile career as a physical bookseller – namely Mike Bubbins’ preferred vehicle for the written word, audiobooks*.

And here we are.

First off, John, your Frank Zappa impression was marvellous. As a fan of Zappa (I am neither fat, from mainland Europe, nor have a Zappa moustache, thank you very much Elis) it is pleasing to hear someone in the Mainstream Media advocate for more Zappa in everyday life, even the problematic and culturally insensitive stuff, which let’s face it, is quite funny. But I’m getting ahead of myself, starting at Z rather than your A**.

That’s recency bias for you.

To be honest, there is just so much great content in this book that it is hard to work through it critically and in any specific order. The description of Leicester Square and the offices of Global Radio made me guffaw in the car; mentions of The Yellow Kangaroo (formerly Y2K and now back to being The Four Elms, with one of the largest beer gardens in Cardiff) was a lovely reminder of my time living in Roath and Splott; Elis, your chapter on Carmarthen was superb – as an Aberdaugleddau-ian, I have long been envious of the glamour and sophistication of Carmarthen’s culture of posh shops, farmers, and exotic nightlife; John’s ramble through Oxford pubs following a very tight itinerary felt both poetic and anxiety-inducing; and I’ve startled more than one unsuspecting Cymry Cymraeg (sy’n siarad Cymraeg) by saying the word cont-y-môr at them. And – AND – the added value of the verbal post-scripts at the end of each chapter makes the lack of picture section – referred to frequently throughout – far less of a fatal flaw. I even enjoyed the stumbles that the editing process left in. Very brave, gentleman, very brave.

And brave is how I would characterise your brand. This might be a marketing ploy, a devious attempt to subvert the prevalence of toxic masculinity that Andrew Tate and Nigel Farage love to peddle to appeal to those who don’t feel your vibe (and vote accordingly), but it works. How rare it is to hear two men, nominally of the same generation as me, talking openly on the radio/streaming service of your choice about mental health, enthusiastic consent, and being effete? About enjoying both poetry and Adidas Sambas? About not drinking and finding new ways in your 40s to combat the encroaching sense of doom and fill your days productively – although I can’t see me taking up benching or cross-fit any time soon? About how Grief is Living? This feels significant.

Boys, you are true legends, and I salute you. Thanks for the lols and keep up the lovely stuff.

Gareth, yn wreiddiol o Aberdaugleddau.


*You may notice on inspection of my previous entries on this site that I’m attempting to grind my way through Joe Marler’s autobiography on audiobook, Loose Head, on the recommendation of another of Elis’s other podcast co-broadcasters, Steff Garrerro (it took me an embarrassingly long time to get the spelling of his name correct). This may be the last time I consider a recommendation from Distant Pod, sorry.

**I feel this needs a footnote but can’t quite put down the words to make this seem less weird.

(Paid link)